What Is the Gottman Relationship Checkup?
The Gottman Method is a research-backed approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They’ve spent over 40 years studying what makes relationships thrive—or break down. Their research has helped identify the patterns that predict lasting love, as well as those that create disconnection.
Although the Gottman Method isn’t the only approach I use, it provides one of the strongest foundations for couples work. That’s why, for most couples who have been together more than a year, I recommend beginning therapy with the Gottman Relationship Checkup.
Why Start with the Relationship Checkup?
When couples first come to therapy, the question is often: “Where do we even begin?”
The Relationship Checkup provides that starting point. It’s a thorough, research-based online tool that looks at every layer of a relationship—from friendship and intimacy, to conflict patterns, to shared values and dreams.
What makes it especially powerful is that it focuses not just on what you’re fighting about, but how you interact when things get difficult. That’s the process piece—and it’s where real, lasting change happens.
Completing the Checkup gives us a multi-session head start. Instead of spending weeks gathering background information, we can move quickly into understanding the heart of what’s happening in your relationship.
Not a Report Card—An X-Ray
The Relationship Checkup isn’t about giving your relationship a grade. Think of it more like an X-ray: it gives us a clear picture of both strengths and growth areas. Many couples even report that simply completing the questionnaires helped them begin to think differently about their relationship before we reviewed results together.
What the Process Looks Like
Here’s how I structure the beginning of couples therapy using the Relationship Checkup:
Session One: We meet together so I can hear the story of your relationship—what brought you together and what’s bringing you to therapy now.
Session Two: I meet with each of you separately in “split sessions,” so I can better understand your individual perspectives.
Session Three: We meet again as a couple to review the results of the Gottman Relationship Checkup. This session often feels like a turning point—where you begin to see a roadmap for both the strengths you already have and the places where growth is possible.
After this, many couples continue therapy with me. But I also offer this process as a stand-alone service. Some couples use it as a springboard for their own work, while others take the results back to their current therapist as a way to deepen the work they’re already doing.
Either way, the Checkup provides a powerful foundation for understanding your relationship and deciding on next steps.
A Roadmap for Change
Another benefit of starting this way is that we can measure progress over time. After three to four months, couples can retake the Checkup (this is included in the initial fee). That lets us see where things have shifted and where more support is still needed.
I’ve seen couples gain momentum quickly with this process. Patterns—like nervous system reactivity or attachment dynamics—become clearer sooner, which makes therapy more effective. And many couples begin to feel shifts early in the process, which can be a huge source of hope.
The Value
The Relationship Checkup involves a one-time fee, but in practice it can save months of guesswork. Instead of wandering in the dark, you’re starting therapy with a roadmap. For couples who feel discouraged or stuck, that clarity is often the first step toward meaningful change.
You can learn more about my stand-alone Gottman Assessment service here.
